Questions to Ask a Surrogate Before Matching
Tips for creating a strong match
So you have a prospective surrogate, and you’re wondering what questions to ask before matching. That’s great! The first interview between intended parents and a prospective surrogate can be exciting and also a little anxious – in a way, it’s almost like a first date. The interview is the time for you and the surrogate to get to know each other as people and see if you both want to work together on the incredible journey of surrogacy. With that in mind, here are some tips for approaching the first interview with a surrogate, and some questions to ask before matching with them.
#1: Figure out your priorities for surrogacy before the interview
Knowing what you’re looking for in your surrogacy journey is very important. For instance, how involved would you like to be during the pregnancy? How do you want to communicate with your surrogate – how often, and in what form (email, text, phone calls, in person visits, etc.)? What kind of relationship do you intend to have with your surrogate after the birth? Figuring out your own priorities and expectations will help guide what questions to ask a surrogate to see if you are both on the same page and a good fit.
#2: You can talk about other topics
While it’s important to talk about your expectations about surrogacy, it’s also totally okay to get to know the surrogate as a person, outside of their surrogate experience! At Eggceptional Fertility, all of our surrogates have been initially evaluated as quality candidates. That means that the matching process is really more about the connection between intended parents and the surrogate, rather than having to ask a lot of screening questions about their medical history. Instead, think of questions to ask a surrogate about her interests, hobbies, and family – even what movies she likes, or her favorite food! The answers aren’t as important as figuring out if you connect with each other and want to go through the surrogacy journey together as a team.
#3: Focus on the big picture
Similarly, remember that this is only the first meeting. If you both have a positive experience and want to move forward, then we will help mediate further discussions about the medical and technical logistics of the surrogacy process, including compensation and legal agreements. The first interview, though, is just about getting to know each other and getting a sense for the overall connection. Many of our intended parents and surrogates match based on a gut feeling or immediate emotional connection – they just know that they are the right fit.
#4: Remember: this is a partnership, not a job interview!
This last tip is maybe the most important. It’s very easy for intended parents to go into the first surrogacy meeting with an attitude that they are screening the surrogate, and that as long as the parents are happy, the surrogacy will go forward. This is understandable – after all, surrogacy is a major emotional and financial investment for intended parents, and you are entrusting the most precious responsibility imaginable to another person.
But really, surrogacy is a partnership between the intended parents and the surrogate. The surrogate is making a major life commitment to nurturing and protecting your baby, and their opinion matters just as much as yours. If you treat a prospective surrogate like simply a human incubator, they probably won’t come away from the meeting wanting to match with you! Keep an open mind during the meeting, give the surrogate space to ask you questions, and answer them honestly and openly. If you can do that, then what specific questions to ask a surrogate becomes less important. You will have a much better chance of creating a genuine connection and finding the perfect match.
Eggceptional Fertility Is With You Along The Way
When you work with Eggceptional Fertility, you can be confident in knowing you are meeting with the most compassionate and qualified surrogates. We are with you every step of the way, including during your first meeting to help everyone feel comfortable. If you would like more tips on what questions to ask a surrogate before matching, reach out to us today.