Surrogacy for Gay Couples: A Biological Path to Fatherhood
For gay couples, surrogacy is the only family-building option that allows one or both fathers to have a biological connection to their child. Much of the surrogacy process is the same regardless of the parent(s) gender identity. However, there are a few considerations specific to gay couples as you start the exciting journey to parenthood!
How Surrogacy Works
The basic steps of surrogacy are the same for gay, straight, and single parents:
- match with a surrogate
- draw up all the legal and medical agreements
- create and transfer the embryo into the surrogate
- Pregnancy
- The surrogate delivers a beautiful baby
- Congratulations, you’re a parent!
The surrogacy process for gay parents also includes selecting an egg donor. When you begin your surrogacy journey, think about what is most important to you in a donor: perhaps you’d like someone who resembles you or your partner, or maybe you’d like a specific educational background. Similarly, when choosing a surrogate, reflect on which shared values are the most important. One of the true joys of surrogacy is the bond created between the surrogate and the intended parents, which can last a lifetime.
Specific Surrogacy Considerations for Gay Couples
One of the most important things to discuss with your partner is who would like to provide the biological connection to your child. One of you may have a very strong desire to share a genetic connection to your baby, or perhaps there are certain medical issues on one side of the family that you’d prefer not to pass on to your children. Some couples decide to have two kids (either as twins, or consecutively), using the same egg donor but sperm from both fathers, so they can both share a genetic relationship. Other parents use sperm from one partner, and receive donor eggs from a close relative of the other partner, so each child has a biological relationship to both sides of the family. Regardless, remember that the love between a parent and a child doesn’t depend on shared genes, so whichever decision you make, you will both have a wonderful relationship with your new baby.
Use an LGBT Affirming Surrogacy Agency
Surrogacy is a wonderful, life changing experience that is also a complex and emotional process. For gay couples, your surrogacy journey may involve some additional factors. For instance, states may have different laws regarding same-sex adoption, or pre- or post-birth orders to give both fathers legal parental status. Also, unfortunately, some agencies or clinics may have biases that add extra levels of stress to an already complicated process. For these reasons, it’s important to work with an affirming agency that can provide support and guidance for your specific needs. A qualified agency should have specific experience with LGBT surrogacy laws, and be able to recommend providers, clinics, and legal experts that are similarly supportive. When choosing your agency, ask about their previous experience with gay couples and make sure their values are in line with your own.
Surrogacy: A Beautiful Path to Fatherhood
For a long time, adoption was the only way for gay parents to have children. And while adoption is also a wonderful way to grow your family, surrogacy offers gay couples many unique benefits. You and your partner can decide to have a biological connection to your baby. You can be present for many meaningful milestones, like major ultrasound appointments, and of course the actual birth of your child. Plus, many parents through surrogacy bond closely with their surrogate and their family, creating a loving, expanded family relationship that enriches the lives of everyone involved. If you’re considering surrogacy, we’d love to answer any questions – schedule a free consultation today.
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